Being an emotional eater gives you lots of ways to feed your addiction. The thing is, it isn't just being sad or lonely or angry or frustrated that is the trigger for an emotional eater. It is also good news, feeling happy or proud. Think about this: how many good things in your life are celebrated with food? You get a promotion, you go out to a nice dinner to celebrate. Friends get engaged, you throw a bit party with lots of food. It's your birthday, go to a restaurant where they sing and give you ice cream. No matter how you look at it, food is a reward. You don't have to be addicted to know that.
This past week I received a small bonus from my work. I sat and thought a lot about what to do with it. I decided to go shopping after work. Before then, I "treated" myself to Subway for lunch. Now to be fair to myself I did get a healthy sandwich (oven roasted chicken on wheat bread) and I made sure to get the foot long so that I would have something to eat for dinner before I went shopping so I wouldn't be tempted by the mall food (See's Candy I'm talking to you). Shopping for me is akin to root canals. I don't like it at all. Usually because I can never find my size. I mostly shop on line and occasionally I'll find something at Walmart or Ross when I am with my daughter. Deciding to go shopping, well, I really needed many gin & tonics but I was driving and they have calories.
My intention was to buy underwear. Now, as a fat girl, underwear is not an easy thing to buy. You usually can't go to Walmart or Target and pick them up. I have to go to Lane Bryant or buy them on-line. The nice thing about Lane Bryant is that they will let you order it at the store and get it shipped to your house for free. That is what I had to do the last time I bought underwear because my size is too big and they don't stock them in the store. I am absolutely not complaining about Lane Bryant underwear. Plus size clothing has come a long way since I was young and there are much cuter choices. Unfortunately not in the ones I had to buy. I was happy that they weren't all white. So I ordered my underwear. That was 3 years ago. The other thing about underwear is that it is expensive and usually not something I worry about buying, because no one has seen my underwear in years so why bother? I wait until everything is completely falling apart. However, surprise, surprise I had a different problem--my underwear was too big!
I entered the mall after parking some distance away (quick cardio tip, btw) and passed store after store full of merchandise I knew would never fit and stores that, quite frankly, intimidate me. Gap, Forever 21, places like that. I've been in them and purchased gifts and they are always very nice, but I am afraid, deep inside, that stepping into these places will cause alarms to ring and security guards to appear to eject the fat girl from the store.
Finally I was at Lane Bryant and I went inside. I was able to purchase my lovely underwear in the store because the amazing thing is that I am two sizes smaller. TWO SIZES SMALLER GOD DAMMIT!!!! I felt absolutely amazing picking out my new underwear and walking out of the store with it. I walked past those stores again and I noticed I was walking taller and with more attitude. Gotta walk with attitude! I had no desire to stop at the candy store, no desire other than to go home with my new underwear. However, I first stopped at Starbucks and got my free Iced Chai Tea Latte (with vanilla) for my birthday.
Perhaps my newer, smaller underwear was my reward, perhaps it was the Starbucks. Whatever it was carried me through the weekend where I ate a healthy meal when I went out to brunch with friends on Saturday and then to Sunday where I spent 30 minutes on the treadmill at the gym after doing my workout. Somehow my motivation switch got switched back on after the last couple of weeks. Then again,maybe it was never off, just on pause.
Next week, I'm talking about more stuff, I just don't know what yet. Stay tuned!!!!!
Diva
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