Birthdays are different when you get older. However, I still look forward to them way too much and I am inevitably disappointed when I don't get pony rides and balloons. This year was no different. My birthday was on a Monday and I went to work. There was no cake or ice cream and I didn't get a song.
On Thursday, during a meeting, my boss brought in cake and ice cream to celebrate the August and September birthdays. As she brought in the cake, I didn't feel that little thrill. That little excitement about there being cake. I hardly noticed it. At the end of the meeting she invited me to be the first one to go and get some cake. I said no thank you. I TURNED DOWN CAKE, YOU GUYS! Everyone turned to look at me and then my boss said, "you know it's ok to have a piece of cake on your birthday".
I sat for a second and then I said I knew that but I really didn't want any cake. I realized I actually meant it and wasn't just saying that.Wonder of Wonders I didn't want any cake. Four months ago I would have had the piece with all the frosting and then gotten a second piece to take home. Now, I was turning down the cake. Let me repeat this because it is beyond amazing - I turned down the cake.
I don't know what got turned off in my brain, but OMFG it is amazing that it happened. I thought, "I can always have a piece later if I really want it". The thing is, I don't want it.
I don't want cake.
Next week I will talk about triggers and how I learned not to let them sabotage me.
See you next time!
Diva
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