I posted yesterday on Facebook about this, but I figured I needed to explain a bit what happened.
In 2007, I was laid off from my job after 11 years. When I lost my job, I, of course lost my health benefits. That meant no more blood pressure medication. I was smart enough to get my doctor to write a prescription for me for a full year but then it ran out. I was able to survive on my severance and unemployment for almost three years. Luckily in 2011 I was able to find my present job. Unfortunately, my present job pays about $20 less an hour than the previous one. The job turned out to be a wonderful job in spite of the salary, so I'm pretty ok. I was very happy because I thought getting a job meant I'd have benefits again, but that didn't happen. I was not able to afford my part of the benefits so for the first year I had none.
In order to qualify for benefits at work you need to take part in a biometric screening. They check blood pressure, weight, take blood for cholesterol and diabetes screening and stuff like that. Now as I had already realized I could not afford the benefits that were being offered I decided to skip the screening. I was advised to do it anyway and I would get a $25 gift card. I thought ok, at least I'd get some medical information and $25 out of it. I went ahead and did it and found out that my blood pressure was sky high. It was like 175 over 140 and I was pretty much told I was a stroke waiting to happen.
I called my dad and borrowed some money and went to my mom's doctor who took cash and saw lots of people without insurance. While I was there I asked the doctor about the weird mole on my shoulder almost as an afterthought. He took one look and said "that's coming off right now". It turned out to be melanoma. It was removed and I was given an clean bill of health. When my company switched to Kaiser in 2012 I was able to get benefits that I could afford. I could afford them because I took part in a lot of preventative things to lower my portion of the benefits that I had to pay. One of the things I decided to do this year was get a full body scan for melanoma since I had never really had one since mine was removed two years ago.
On Thursday of this past week, I headed off to the dermatologist. He checked me over and decided to remove a small mole because it was so close to the spot of the earlier melanoma. He also questioned me about the earlier procedure and asked if the doctor previously had ever checked out my lymph nodes. I didn't think so and he checked them out as part of the exam. He asked me how deep the melanoma was and I didn't think it had been very deep but it was really a big mole my left shoulder and that the other doctor had removed all of it. He checked all the lymph nodes and finally got to my neck near where the melanoma had been. While checking those out he got a weird look on his face and asked me if my neck ever hurt and I said no. He kept checking under my left jaw and comparing with my right jaw.
The next thing I know, I'm being referred to the head and neck surgeon, getting a chest x-ray and blood work done. He is also now scheduling me for a PET scan. All of this stuff is being thrown at me and they are removing the small mole and I've now gotten so freaked out that I almost pass out during the procedure. Two stitches later, I head on down to the lab.
I get my chest x-ray done and my blood work and go out and sit in my car. I'm pretty much numb at this point. I thought everything was done with this thing. I was getting healthy, losing weight and exercising. Dying from cancer is not part of this plan! I have two shows coming up and I don't want to cancel them! How do I pay for surgery and chemo? What will happen to my kids? My grandkids? I drive home with every awful scenario going through my head. I came home and talked about it with my children and they were much calmer about it than I was so that helped.
The next morning the head and neck people called and wanted me in that day at 2:30. I texted the BFF and asked her to drive me so I didn't have to go by myself. I then realized that my blood tests results were in my email and jumped in to read them. It was at this point I had a major meltdown in my office. I didn't know what the results meant and I didn't know what was going on and I was cold, dark, fucking scared. My boss got me calmed down and we looked at the results and my doctor noted in the email that everything looked normal with the blood work and the chest x-ray but go to the head and neck people to make sure. I was a little bit more ok, but there was still a bit of doubt and the BFF and I headed off to Roseville.
The surgeon did not feel anything abnormal about my lymph nodes but he said I needed a PET scan and he also wanted an MRI. An MRI???? Is there something they are worried about in my brain??? This was not making me feel better and I finally flat out said "am I ok". He looked at me and said you are perfectly fine. Nothing is wrong with you. I want you to have these tests so we can get a baseline in case you get more melanoma or other things happen and we need to compare. Finally I knew I was ok. Then he began to explain why he wanted these things. Apparently there are four stages to melanoma and it is decided, not by how big they are, but by how deep. Stage one is 0.1-1, Stage two is 1.1-2, Stage three is 2.1-4 and Stage four is 4.1 and over. The doctor then explained to me why they were so concerned. My melanoma had been at stage 3. I had never been told this. I actually felt all the blood drain out of my body when I realized I had been walking around for two years without being checked out. Typically stage 3 melanoma involves the lymph nodes. Apparently I was extremely lucky since it was so early stage three that it did not get into mine. I should have been seeing a dermatologist every three months for scans and should have had a PET scan already.
The doctor reiterated that I was fine, advised me to schedule these tests and the BFF and I headed home while I told her what happened. Now my life will be more tests and dermatology visits and I'm waiting for the results of the latest biopsy, but for now I am healthy and I intend to stay that way. That doesn't change the fact that I was sure that I was dying. I was dying because I couldn't afford health insurance to get me the treatment I needed. Yes, it costs me a fortune to go to the doctor, but that is nothing compared to the knowledge that you are healthy.
This blog is a little bit longer than usual, but I had a lot to say. Stay healthy everyone.
D
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